A 9/11 Essay Revisited

The one or two of you who remember the blog that preceded this one (no, not the American Idol one) might remember this post that I made to that blog on September 11, 2006. I think with a relatively new blog, and possibly one or two new readers, that it is worth posting it again on this anniversary.

 A 9/11 Essay - How 9/11 Changed My Life 

 I don't know anyone who died on September 11, 2001. I don't know anyone who knew anyone who died on that day. I don't know anyone who was in either New York or Pennsylvania that morning. I did know one person who worked at the Pentagon, but thankfully she was not in the building at the time the plane hit there. So some of you might think I'm being pretentious by saying that the events of that day changed my life beyond just the general effects that we all felt that day and beyond, but it is true. 

 It was the Monday after September 11. Throughout the previous week there were of course a number of conversations at my workplace about what happened. However, I found the discussions to be very disturbing. The talks centered around the collapsed buildings, the closed stock market, the grounded planes, the cancelled football and baseball games, things like that. I didn't hear any conversation about the event itself, almost as if it were an afterthought. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, or more importantly, what I wasn't hearing. Thousands of people had just died and all I heard were people complaining about how their stocks weren't being traded. Over the weekend I decided to write an open letter to the company. In that letter I attempted to remind people that, as I wrote, "We are people first and engineers second, not the other way around." I tried to point out what I thought was a myopic attitude that some of my co-workers were apparently taking and the anger that I felt about that and that even if they didn't know anyone directly involved in the attacks they should still give a damn. 

I sent it out that Monday morning. The reaction was strong. Some personally thanked me for sending out the letter, as they felt the same way that I did. Others criticized me, claiming that I was telling them how they should feel. Still others, including most importantly my bosses, thought it was an attack on the company, since I pointed out that the only acknowledgement of the events from the company was an e-mail from the IT manager asking people to curtail their Internet use. I tried to explain that my message was not meant to be an attack on the company but rather on specific people within the company that I had chosen not to name. Nevertheless, the view about me and the letter remained and would affect me in an even bigger way a few months later.  

Around that time I was engaged in discussion with my bosses about opening a branch office in Oakland, where I was planning on moving. As the months went by I was growing increasingly frustrated by the slow progress that the company management was making in coming to a decision on whether to open the office. I learned later that one of the reasons why it was taking so long was because of the letter. I was now seen as a loose cannon for having publicly criticized the company, and even though I had been with the company for 9-1/2 years at this point there were some at the management level who questioned whether or not I could be trusted. The questioning of my loyalty to the company, and the delay in the decision to open the Oakland office that resulted from it, was the main reason why I decided to leave the company 4 months later. 

I think it is too simplistic to say that the letter all by itself led to my departure from the company that I spend almost 10 years of my life. There were certainly other issues that were involved that had nothing to do with the 9/11 letter. However, it certainly played an important role. The letter changed me in another way too. It reminded me that there are important things that are going on outside my office window, and that I too should not be so focused on my work that I ignore them. That is what led me to become more involved in volunteer work, and why I spent my 40th birthday helping people in Indonesia rebuild their homes after the earthquake and tsunami. One can never say for sure, but it is possible that were it not for the events of 9/11 I would still be at my old company and never gotten involved in anything outside of it. I don't regret writing what I did. It was something that I felt had to be said, job be damned. And every September 11 since then, I pull out that letter and read it again, just to remind myself that I am a person first and an engineer second, and not the other way around. And at the risk of potentially revealing my identity to a couple of former co-workers, here is the letter that I wrote and sent out to my company on September 17, 2001, which was not part of the post back on 9/11/06: I've noticed something in the last week that, to me, is very upsetting. While the rest of the country set aside their daily routines to pause and mourn the events of last Tuesday, there was hardly any recognition of the event here in the office. It was just business as usual, or so it seemed. I'm sure that everybody here was aware of what happened (judging by the apparent high use of the Internet), but the only conversations that I heard were about either the collapse of the World Trade Center buildings, the disruption of air travel, the cancellation of sporting events, or the closing of the stock market. I didn't hear anybody talk about the human tragedy or suggest something to do to help, and this disturbs me. Has anyone here donated blood or money? Did anyone here go to a memorial service? Did anyone here participate in the moment of silence on Friday? Was anyone even aware of it? We tend to be myopic, focused on the task at hand. Meeting schedules, making budgets, keeping clients happy, and completing our tasks. These are the things that preoccupy our time and our thoughts. If something is not thrown in front of us we tend to put it aside and neglect it in favor of other things that we consider more important. While this high level of concentration may make us better engineers, it also makes us lousy people. Thousands of people died due to a random, senseless act of violence, and yet we go on with our jobs as if nothing happened. Thousands more may die defending our country against those who committed these acts, and all we can think about is how it affects our stock options or our future projects. Am I the only one who thinks that this is wrong? I sure hope not. Not only should the events of last Tuesday show us how important our work is, but it should also show how unimportant it really is. How much of our work really affects the world at large? Not much, when you really think about it. The rescue workers currently digging through the wreckage of the World Trade Center are engaged in work that is far more important than what we are doing. So are the FBI investigators and possibly soon our armed forces. That's not to say that we should disregard our work as useless rubbage, but we should recognize that it's not the most important thing in the world, and that there are some very important things going on outside the walls of this office that we should be aware of and should care about. So now we may be going to war. Some of you may not be concerned about this. You may think that because neither you nor your family is eligible for the draft, or because you are not a US citizen, or because you’re an engineer and not a soldier that it doesn't really matter to you whether we go to war or not. After all, if it doesn't affect you directly why should you care? We should care, not because it could affect our jobs but because it will affects our lives and the lives of everyone around us. I'd bet that the main reason you work here is because of the economic opportunity that this country, this city, and this office provides you that you can't get anywhere else. There's nothing wrong with pursuing economic opportunity, but you should remember that this opportunity comes with a price. A price that the workers and rescue crews in the World Trade Center and the Pentagon paid. A price that the passengers on the hijacked planes paid. A price that members of the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines may soon have to pay. A price that could be, and hopefully won't be, paid by someone you know. The people who died last Tuesday did so for everyone who is taking advantage of the economic opportunities and social freedoms that this country has to offer, regardless of their age, profession, or nationality. Think about that the next time you dismiss what has happened, and what may happen, as something that doesn't matter to you. I'm not accusing anyone of being uncaring, and I hope that I’m not insulting anyone or putting my job on the line for saying this, but it worrisome to me that many people here appear to be acting as if nothing happened when in fact something has. Please remember that we are human beings first and engineers second, not the other way around. I still try to remember...