The last couple of days have been, shall we say, somewhat eventful. Let me present the timetable for you:
Monday, 9:00 PM: I sit down in my favorite rocking chair to watch the 3rd Period of the Sharks/Kings playoff game. I pick up the latest edition of The Sporting News and start reading.
9:01 PM: The Kings score a goal 18 seconds in to tie the game 2-2.
9:20 PM: My chest starts fluttering and I begin to feel myself getting lightheaded. I stand up, stretch, and try to walk whatever this is off, but to no avail.
9:25 PM: I'm drinking down glasses of water to try and calm myself down, again to no effect. I start to wonder if I am having a heart attack.
9:30 PM: The Sharks score a goal and take a 3-2 lead. I discover that the aspirin in my medicine cabinet has expired.
9:35 PM: The Kings tie the game at 3-3. I have the sound off and the door open to get some fresh air, still no effect.
9:45 PM: The Kings go on a 4 minute power play because of a Sharks penalty. I'm getting into my truck to drive to the pharmacy to get some aspirin.
9:50 PM: I turn around after driving 2 blocks, fearing that I may not make it to the drug store and instead pass out while driving - not a good thing.
9:55PM: I knock on my next door neighbor's door and ask her to drive me to the hospital ER. She immediately calls 911 and finds some aspirin for me. I've stop paying attention to the game.
10:00 PM: The paramedics arrive, followed immediately by the ambulance. There are about 9 paramedics and EMTs in my neighbor's living room; two or three of them are asking me questions, two more are administering me an EKG test, one is shaving my chest for the electrodes, another is putting an oxygen mask in my nostrils, the rest I don't know what they are doing.
10:05 PM: Good news is that the EKG came up negative. Bad news is that my blood pressure is up around 180/100. I'm told that everything is "OK" but that they're going to take me to the hospital.
10:10 PM: I'm loaded up on the gurney and taken to the ambulance. As we leave my neighbor shouts to me to call her from the hospital.
10:15 PM: The ambulance leaves and we're headed for the hospital. I can see out the back but cannot keep track of where we are going. There are 2 EMTs in the back with me, one who puts in an IV and takes my blood pressure, the other engages me in conversation to keep my mind off of what's happening.
10:25PM: My first ever ambulance ride ends when I'm rolled into the ER. One of the nurses thinks she recognizes me. The guy next to me is telling his nurse that he just got out of prison today. After a minute or two in the scary hallway I'm rolled into ER Room C.
10:35PM: The nurses take another EKG and some blood for blood tests. I'm hooked up to a machine that takes my blood pressure every 10 minutes. It's still up around 180/100.
10:40 PM: The hospital administrator comes in to confirm my insurance and emergency contacts. I gave them the cell phone number for my brother, who doesn't know what is happening yet since I've hadn't had a chance to contact him, my parents, or my girlfriend. I say good bye to the EMT, thanking him for not killing me.
10:45PM: The nurse asks me if I have any questions. I asked him about the Sharks and he thinks they won.
11:00 PM: The blood pressure is coming down as I wait for the doctor. Boredom starts to set in since there is no TV and my cell phones are out of reach. I think about my sister and tell her that I'm not ready to be reunited with her yet.
11:30 PM: The X-Ray technician arrives to take a shot of my chest with a portable X-ray that's about the size of a Mini Cooper.
12:00AM: The doctor comes in and with an accent that I cannot identify (South African perhaps) she tells me that everything is checking out OK but they are going to admit me overnight to monitor things and to do a stress test the next morning.
12:30 AM: The blood pressure is down to 130/80. I entertain myself by listening in to the conversation in the room next door and watching the second hand on the wall clock move.
12:45AM: The doctor returns and confirms that the X-ray and the blood tests didn't show anything and that there is a room available.
1:00 AM: The nurse comes in to start the admission process, promising that it'll be done in under 45 minutes.
1:20 AM: Another technician comes in and switches me from the ER monitor to a portable one that makes some very annoying sounds.
1:35AM: The transport guy comes and along with one of the nurses rolls me up to the room. The head nurse lived up to his word with 10 minutes to spare. On the way up we talk about the Sharks and whether or not the playoffs were a best of 5 or a best of 7.
1:40 AM: I'm rolled into Room 3024, a private room (yes!) but with a lousy TV. The view is great but I cannot figure out how to close the blinds so I can sleep.
1:45 AM: The nurse comes in and gives me my hospital gown with pajama pants so I don't have to worry about showing my rear end to the public.
1:55 AM: The late replay of the local news includes a report that the Sharks had won the game in overtime, eliminating the Kings from the playoffs.
2:15 AM: The nurse goes over everything with the room, asks me the usual questions such as whether or not I'm on drugs (standard procedure she tells me). I tell her that I take prescription Ambien so she says that she'll get a pill for me for the night.
2:45 AM: The nurse returns to say that she doesn't want to give me Ambien right now since the cardiologist wants to talk to me first.
3:00 AM: I try to stay awake for the cardiologist by watching the overnight news, which is 90% about the royal wedding, 5% about Lindsey Lohan, and 5% about Libya. I give up, turn off the TV, and try to get to sleep.
3:35 AM: Not able to sleep, I email my colleagues at work that I wouldn't be coming in since I was in the hospital. Multiple messages of well wishes are sent in reply, not immediately of course.
3:45 AM: Still not able to sleep, I roam around my room looking for the chain to pull down the blinds to no avail.
4:30 AM: The cardiologist arrives and back-handededly insults the ER doctor by saying that they have "different priorities," even though he told me the same thing the ER doctor did. He talked about the stress test and his belief that I'll be able to go home after the results of the test are reviewed. He then warns me that it may take a while to review the results because they will be reviewed by a different doctor who may not be there right away. Still he seems like a nice guy.
4:45 AM: The nurse says it's too late to give me Ambien so she gives me Lorazepam instead. I finally get to sleep.
6:00 AM: Another nurse wakes me up to take my blood. At the same time a new nurse comes in with breakfast, only to notice the sign on the door that I'm not to be fed until after I've had my test. Even though there is light coming through the unshaded windows I still fall right back to sleep.
8:30 AM: Another guy from "transport" wakes me up to take me down to do the stress test. I notice as I'm getting up that the water left in the cup when I took the Lorazepam has spilled onto my bed.
9:00 AM: One nurse and two technicians conduct my stress test. One technician pastes a bunch of electrodes on me and comments on all the hair I have on my chest, not counting the hair that the EMT shaved off of course. The other technician does an ultrasound on my heart.
9:10 AM: I hop on board the treadmill and start the test, which is done in four stages of speed and difficulty. The techs and the nurse start pushing me like a athletic trainer to make it through the highest level, which I am proud to say that I did. Immediately after the treadmill stops I'm pushing back on the patient table for another round of ultrasound.
9:40 AM: I'm rolled back to my room to wait for the doctor to go over the results. I call my parents and tell them what is happening. The nurse comes in with breakfast but leaves when she sees me on the phone.
10:00 AM: The nurse finally returns with my breakfast after I pushed the button three times to let her know I was off the phone 10 minutes ago.
11:00 AM: I call my girlfriend and tell her what's happened. We promise to talk again later in the day.
12:00 PM: Time for another blood test. My brother returns my call and we have a three way conversation with the blood test nurse about whether the Sharks goaltender or their defensemen are to blame for all the goals the team has been giving up to the Kings. The nurse thought it was the goalie, my brother and I thought it was the defensemen.
12:30 PM: Lunch arrives, decent roast beef and some other stuff. My nurse ordered coffee even though I was there for a heart condition. I chose not to drink it.
1:30 PM: The dietitian arrives to get my breakfast and lunch orders for tomorrow. When I tell her that the doctor said that I would probably be discharged today she told me that she had been told that the doctor may not be able to see me today so to be on the safe side I should still order breakfast and lunch. She also gives me the information on my new diet restrictions.
2:00 PM: I read the diet restrictions and realize I've probably had my last In-N-Out Double Double.
2:15 PM: My next door neighbor, who works close by the hospital, pays me a visit. We talk about the break-ins that have been taking place in our neighborhood.
2:30 PM: My mom calls for an update on my condition.
3:00 PM: A new doctor comes in and says that the stress test came back negative. The general conclusion of the three doctors is that they were not sure what happened but that they were sure that I didn't have a heart attack. I am prescribed aspirin to thin out my blood just in case. I am also prescribed medication for acid reflux since the doctors think they may have caused the chest pains I've been recently feeling, both the night before and before that. I ask about arrhythmia since my dad suffers from that, and the doctor said that she would check the readouts again and see.
3:30 PM: The doctor returns and says that there was no sign of arrhythmia in the tests, but that I should follow up with a primary care physician. She also says that I'll be free to leave once the paperwork is done. The nurse tells me that she can have the paperwork done by 5 and asks me twice if I would like to stay for dinner. I politely decline.
4:50 PM: The nurse comes back with all the paperwork and again asks if I want to stay for dinner.
5:00 PM: Dinner arrives but since my neighbor was on her way to pick me up I tell the nurse that I can't stay and eat it.
5:10 PM: My neighbor comes and picks me up. I'm disappointed that I wasn't wheeled out in a wheelchair, though I realize that there are a lot worse ways to leave the hospital than by walking out of it.
6:00 PM: I pick up my meds, arrive home, speak to my mom, my girlfriend, and my brother again, and embark on the next chapter of my new reality by throwing out the peanut butter in my pantry.
And, oh yeah, I watched this:
